Committed

COMMITMENT

Oh that is a scary word in today's culture. With a 50% divorce rate and climbing, commitment-phobes are somewhat of a norm. I am no exception. But this post isn't about relationships.

I never realized the extent of my commitment-phobia until these last few months. Let's just say my commitment has a short term attention span. Rewind 4 years ago... I was very successful in my career, living comfortably and decided... eh... I can do better in this job, so why don't I give up consistency and move to a new region. The situation blew up in my face and I said peace out! (Still do not regret that decision to this day).

year and a half later... committed my entire world to marrying someone and giving up all of me. can we guess how that ended? most of you know. begin commitment phobia in relationships. (ok maybe this post is indirectly about relationships)

Rewind to September last year, just 6 months ago... pretending to be ok with a low commitment level relationship finally backfired and I was left seriously hurt with my best friend leaving the country a few days later. I was able to look at where I was in life from the outside with no one to distract me. In the span of one week I made a snap decision... move back to dc, go back to school full time and do not stop until I get my dream job (and oh boy is it a big dream with some enormous hurdles in the way). Two weeks later when the person who has just broke my heart came back around, I did not waiver in my decision. For once in my life NOTHING and NO ONE was going to stop me.

Fear of commitment is fear of losing, fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of losing oneself. That's it, plain and simple. It affects many aspects of our life, whether or not an event created a commitment phobia in that area or not. Guess what.. relationship commitment phobes are a product of two things: past pain (yup everyone is a softie) and drive to be a success in another life and not wanting to be distracted. Right now, I'm a product of both.

I have never been great at setting a HUGE goal for myself and stopping at absolutely nothing to get there. I have thought of some awesome things, but they were all goals influenced by other people. In the past 6 months I have found this new fire in me to believe I can do amazing things that before I never thought possible. And I'm going to freaking achieve them. I'm going to give credit to something that will make some of my friends roll their eyes and some jump up and down. Crossfit is this fire... hands down. The day I found it was the day I began to constantly move forward and begin to let go of fear. If you met me 5 years ago and told me one day soon I would throw 100 lbs over my head and do the crazy things I do every week... i would be rolling on the floor laughing. And that is me now. I have an amazing group of coaches at Crossfit Rubicon that have made me believe in myself. I'm a badass :) I'm an animal. Try and stop me.


Next commitment... I'm going to do a GORUCK! Once I get over the thought that it might kill me. If I survive that, then I think I will survive an exclusive relationship. oh yikes...


check these guys out:
Crossfit Rubicon
GORUCK

Cheat Meals and Change

I know right? First post in god knows how long and its about a cheat meal? Is that a chipotle burrito you see above? Why yes it is. And I proudly ate the whole dang thing my friends...

REWIND! There have been some MAJOR changes recently. Some of you are going to be whining "old news" for the next 3.2 minutes while others are going to get some whiplash from what I'm about to tell you...

I left Arizona.

Ha you thought I was going to say I got married, don't work out and live on carbs now right?!

Nope just suddenly decided back in September that I was ready to finish school... oh and I want to do it in one of the most expensive places to do that in... DC.  I'm over these awesome jobs I have, living in a state with amazing weather, people that I love. APPARENTLY that wasn't enough for me at 27 years old. Insert... you're crazy comment here.

Hang on... let me finish shoveling this flour tortilla wrapped, rice and cheese and sour cream filled chicken burrito (*gasp* you hypocrite!) into my mouth then I'll go on. I live for Sunday cheat day, just sayin. Coffee with *gasp* real milk and some type of pastry to start it off. (I went full fledged donut this morning....ermagerd.) Then I go for one of three things... burger on a bun, pizza or a legit burrito. Then its protein shakes for the remainder of the day. Boo. Ok let me continue this tangent... I support the concept of cheat meal or day or whatever. I've heard arguements on both sides, however, honestly the arguments against it don't exist much anymore. I am much better about this idea now though. When I worked in a restaurant, it was probably a running joke that I had a cheat meal once a day. But COMMON! I was surrounded by baked goods, fantastic pizza and sandwiches. Killer. Now I get me some nom nom gluten and dairy once a week. (Ok except this week but my dad was in town and we went to Zaytinya. If you've never been... OMG get on a plane to DC and go... right now). Luckily I no longer overdo it to the point of bloating and stomach issues, but the gluten can cause some super not fun breakouts. More like super unattractive. bleh. NOTE: if you have regular skin issues... seriously try going paleo or get your food allergies tested! Dermotologists and pharmaceutical companies are making a fortune off peddling BS acne lotions. If you're a vegetarian and have acne issues... then oh boy

Wow long tangent. MOVING ON!

Changes. They are hard. Emotionally and physically draining. That stupid 3 day drive across the country after a very emotional month of goodbyes that left me a depressed crying worthless person the last couple days I spent in AZ... reversed my progress of alleviated SI joint issues (tangent for another day). Then walked around New York for 2 days straight. By the time I landed in DC, my body was effed. CAPITAL F. Frustrating. So recap... move across country, start school full time for the first time in what 7 years? cant workout more than a couple days a week because of back and leg pain, and work... well let's not discuss that and pretend we did. Enter "lauren the emotional stress ball of tangled yarn" I need me a big pick me up!

Oh look its snowing... again. Well that was easy! five years old... right now. And its those little things that get me through the tough parts.

But this change... its gonna be AWESOME! It's difficult at first but I see down the road, and its freaking awesome. CAPITAL F. And I'm bringing back the blog. Not because anyone honestly cares about what is going on in my life, but maybe it will help one person. One girl who wants to be strong and be an athlete but feels the pressure to be skinny. Maybe I can inspire that one girl to be who SHE wants to be. "To thine own self be true"

I'm going to go on tangents. I'm going to post recipes. I will write my stream of consciousness and that will involve broken sentences. Get over it. I'm kinda funny. And no... I will not write about my not-so-existent love life. As I point to a few people in AZ who love to grill me on this *cough* that is just for me. I chose to not have it in my life right now, because I'm just too damn busy!

So in honor of today... "whatever you wanna go do, go do it. Nobody determines that but you" Ray Lewis

mmm go ravens??? 

-lolo-