Committed

COMMITMENT

Oh that is a scary word in today's culture. With a 50% divorce rate and climbing, commitment-phobes are somewhat of a norm. I am no exception. But this post isn't about relationships.

I never realized the extent of my commitment-phobia until these last few months. Let's just say my commitment has a short term attention span. Rewind 4 years ago... I was very successful in my career, living comfortably and decided... eh... I can do better in this job, so why don't I give up consistency and move to a new region. The situation blew up in my face and I said peace out! (Still do not regret that decision to this day).

year and a half later... committed my entire world to marrying someone and giving up all of me. can we guess how that ended? most of you know. begin commitment phobia in relationships. (ok maybe this post is indirectly about relationships)

Rewind to September last year, just 6 months ago... pretending to be ok with a low commitment level relationship finally backfired and I was left seriously hurt with my best friend leaving the country a few days later. I was able to look at where I was in life from the outside with no one to distract me. In the span of one week I made a snap decision... move back to dc, go back to school full time and do not stop until I get my dream job (and oh boy is it a big dream with some enormous hurdles in the way). Two weeks later when the person who has just broke my heart came back around, I did not waiver in my decision. For once in my life NOTHING and NO ONE was going to stop me.

Fear of commitment is fear of losing, fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of losing oneself. That's it, plain and simple. It affects many aspects of our life, whether or not an event created a commitment phobia in that area or not. Guess what.. relationship commitment phobes are a product of two things: past pain (yup everyone is a softie) and drive to be a success in another life and not wanting to be distracted. Right now, I'm a product of both.

I have never been great at setting a HUGE goal for myself and stopping at absolutely nothing to get there. I have thought of some awesome things, but they were all goals influenced by other people. In the past 6 months I have found this new fire in me to believe I can do amazing things that before I never thought possible. And I'm going to freaking achieve them. I'm going to give credit to something that will make some of my friends roll their eyes and some jump up and down. Crossfit is this fire... hands down. The day I found it was the day I began to constantly move forward and begin to let go of fear. If you met me 5 years ago and told me one day soon I would throw 100 lbs over my head and do the crazy things I do every week... i would be rolling on the floor laughing. And that is me now. I have an amazing group of coaches at Crossfit Rubicon that have made me believe in myself. I'm a badass :) I'm an animal. Try and stop me.


Next commitment... I'm going to do a GORUCK! Once I get over the thought that it might kill me. If I survive that, then I think I will survive an exclusive relationship. oh yikes...


check these guys out:
Crossfit Rubicon
GORUCK